icrash
by emeralddusk
Summary: Spencer sells drugs.  Mr. Shay intercepts SPD.  A robber hunts Carly.  Billy intercepts the Malibu mob.  Miley finds out Heather killed her mother.  Jackson and his girlfriend cheat Wall Street.
1. Two Parts of Darkness

icarly/Hannah Montana

icrash

**Part One: Two Parts of Darkness**

_From Seattle to Malibu, Las Angelas, the Shays and the Cyruses would enter into a world of deception, crime, and danger that would tear apart lives, and slowly consume them until they finally meet through a system of evil activities. It all started one day, when Spencer was reading a hobby magazine._

Spencer was looking at a magazine, with a look of sheer interest on his face when his sister Carly walked in. "Ha, Carly! I found this art institute, it's taught by artists who've already made millions on their art work, and people who have names of artists. It sounds incredible!" Said Spencer.

"Wow, that must be really exciting, I'd guess." Said Carly. "As exhilarating as this has been, it has my heart racing, I'm going to the mall with Sam to buy some shoes."

"I thought you bought shoes yesterday." Said Spencer curiously.

"And it sucked!" Said Carly. "Today they're 99% off."

"Wow! How could they be so cheap?"

"They're recycled out of old garbage. Remember, that's the kind you bought."

"Oh ya." Said Spencer, putting his feet on the table revealing his shoes, made up of gum, candy wrappers, and old black paper. "And they do wonders." He said putting his gum on his shoes. "And nobody'll ever know."

"Ha Carl, uh. There's gum on your shoe!" Said Sam.

"Ah nuts!" Yelled Spencer, as he shook off his shoe and a huge pile of garbage sat under the table.

"Let's go Sam." Said Carly.

"Okay. Bye Spencer.

"Ya by. Oh, I found this art institute..."

"Aah!" Said Sam as she ran out.

"Rude person." Said Spencer as he ripped all the pages out of a novel and put them on his shoes.

In Malibu, the Cyruses were sitting down to breakfast, all but Robby and Jackson. "This ham in a can tastes like trash in a can." Said Miley.

"Ha Miley, guess what my new job is." Said Robby.

"You got a job? I didn't think you went to college."

"I didn't. This job doesn't require a diploma."

"What is it?"

"Undercover police officer for the Malibu Police Department. I'm gonna hide in trees and spy on people and get em' arrested forever!"

"Isn't that kinda dangerous?"

"Na, they only give dangerous jobs to people with degrees." I gotta go to the station and get my badge, and my sticker to put on my jacket so I don't have to obey laws."

"Ha dad." Said Jackson.

"Get out of my face!" Yelled Robby.

"Ha, I just scored a date with the hottest girl at the unemployment office! Her name is Monica Gekko, and she thinks I have definate potential, whatever that means."

"What's so special about her?" Asked Miley.

"Well, she looks okay and doesn't talk too much, but what really interests me is her dad. She says he's the richest man in Malibu, he changes his hair and face a lot, and he's mover over 56 times in the last year! I'm gonna meet him tonight."

"Wow, I'm sure you and Monica's dad will be very happy together." Miley said sarcastically.

"Sure we will, bye!" He said as he ran and hit the door. "Oh, better stop by the doctor. Don't wanna meet Monica's dad with a dented face."

"What a bumb." Said Miley as she sipped a cup of Victory Tea.

Meanwhile in Seattle, Carly was walking out of the mall with Sam. "Wow, can't believe we got 500 marbled for only $300."

"Me neither." Said Sam. "I'm gonna go trip fat people and watch em' try to get up, see ya."

"Bye." Said Carly as she walked on. She then came to an alley where a men was holding up a business man."

"Give me your wallet, and I won't have to break your legs." Said the robber.

"No! My legs get me to merger lunches!" Said the business man.

"Ha! Cops!" Yelled Carly.

"Freeze!" Yelled a cop who was disguised as a mail man.

"Ha, my IRS check!" Yelled a man who had given his check to the apparent mail man.

"You're going away for a long time!" Said the cop.

"Wa! You, I'll get you, you'll see!" Yelled the man at Carly.

"Oh no." Said Carly, dropping the marbles and tripping another cop.

"Ah!" Yelled the cop as he fell and the gun went off in his pocket.

At the house, Spencer was throwing things all over the house and out the open windows, which was all of them, for they were all broken. Carly then walked in. "Spencer, what the hell are you doing!" She yelled.

"I have no one who appreciates my artistic integrity!" Yelled Spencer in a desperate voice.

"Well I can't see why! Why don't you try out for the art institute?"

"Nooo! I'm not associating with those losers!"

"But this morning, you said..."

"Okay, I tried. They rejected me, 'cause I don't have the money. They didn't know that! Just because my shoes are made of garbage!"

"They turned you down for that?"

"Ya! And because they said my art work was, hu, land fill!"

"Sorry Spencer." Said Carly.

"Don't be. Hu. It's not over yet! All I need to do is get that money, then I'll be in that institute! They'll all see!"  
"Okay." Said Carly.

"Ha, I got an e-mail this morning from dad. He's coming home."

"Really?"

"Ya, says he got a brand new job."

"Wow, when."

"Tonight. Too bad I won't be here. I'll be out job hunting."

"Who has job applicants at night?" Asked Carly.

"Bla!" Yelled Spencer as he sat down and drank Victory Beer.

"Back in Malibu, Miley was at the library, looking for educational films for a school assignment. "Hmm, uh, oh, there! No."

It was then that Heather walked in, Lilly's mother. "Oh, hello Miley. I was just thinking about you. Or, something relating to you."

"Hello Ms. Truscott. So, what're you doing for a job?"

"Oh, It's really interesting. But I can tell you, nothing about it. So, how's yer mom doing?"

"She died. She's been dead a long time."

"Oh, I had no idea. I'm sorry for your loss. May her murderer live a life of anguish and despair."

"I never said she was murdered." Said Miley suspiciously.

"Well it goes without saying." Said Heather. "Well, by." Said Heather as she walked away and seemed to disappear."

"Do you have a video on architecture?" Asked Miley.

"Ya, hold on." Said the librarian as she reached past the tape of architecture, and accidentally grabbing a tape from the surveillance camera. "Here, enjoy, like that's possible." Said the librarian.

"Thanks for nothing." Said Miley in a happy voice.

At the Malibu Police Department, Robby was being given his badge, his gun, and his brand new identity, which every cop got. "Welcome to M.P.D, Billy Ray Cyrus. We hope to have you here for many, many months." Said the chief.

"Months? I don't have a diploma." Said Billy.

"Oh, sorry. Many years."

"Thank you. So when can I start?"

"Well, for many others they go for weeks with no work and get paid for it. But you won't have to worry about that. We have a special assignment ready. It can only be done by a man of sheer talent and determination."

"That's me." Said Billy trying not to fall asleep.

"That's exactly our thoughts. Your job, should you choose to accept it, which you have to! Is to spy on your neighbors. All of them. Even your friends."

"No problem there."

"It'll be extremely dangerous. What you'll be looking for potentially dangerous people plotting against the force. Are you in?"

"I'm ready!" Yelled Billy.

"Great. Take these binoculars and tree climbing equipment. Now get out there!"

"Where? I thought we were talking about lunch? Oh well."

That night, at Monica's house Jackson was meeting with her dad. "Well, it certainly is great to meet you Mr. Gekko."

"Please, call me Gordon." Said Mr. Gekko.

"So, what happened to you wife?"

"Oh I killed her. You know how it is."

"I sure do." Said Jackson.

"Oh. That's my dad." Said Monica.

"Jackson, how would you like to work, for my corporation?" Asked Gordon.

"Sure, as long as I don't have to answer phones."

"Oh but you will. But as many people. Specialists, executors, economists, you know."

"You got it." Said Jackson.

"Great. Bwa ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha!"

"Okay." Said Jackson.

At the Shay house, Carly was sitting in the kitchen waiting for Spencer to return when Jack busted through the door in a police uniforms. "Ah! My freakin' arm!"

"Dad!" Yelled Carly.

"Ha Carls." Said Jack hugging her. "Where's Spencer? Is he dead. I knew it."

"Na, he just went out to get a real job."

"Ya right. Ha ha ha! Now seriously, is he dead?"

"No, he's not!"

"Okay." Said Jack sitting and drinking Carly's tea.

"So, you said you got a new job. You're a cop?"

"Ya, for the time." Said Jack suspiciously.

"Well I'd be proud of you, even if you weren't a cop."

"Phh!" Said Jack spitting out his tea. "Why would you say that? What do you know!" Said Jack in a grave voice.

"Nothing. I'm just saying."

"Oh, kay."

Spencer then walked in throwing a huge folder of documents on the table. "Eighteen interviews, no one gives me a job! This world is full of idiots!" Yelled Spencer.

"Ha, Spencer." Said Jack uncertainly.

"Ha dad. So you left the Navy to be a cop. Well either way. Neither of them do anything do anything for the good of mankind."

"That's right!" Said Jack hitting the table. "More right than you know."

"I need a job to get into a fancy art institute. But I can't find one. Don't even try to give me the money. I want to earn it myself."

"No worry there. I get paid on a case to case basis."

"That doesn't sound like a police officer." Said Carly

"Well it's changed since a few weeks ago."

"I see. So earlier today there was this guy, robbing..."

"I'm sorry, got a message, I have to report immediately."

"Can't you stay a little longer?" Asked Spencer.

"You want me to die! You'll see plenty of me I'll be living here."

"You will?" Asked Carly.

"Ya but don't worry, I don't get much sleep. Won't be in your way for more than an hour a day. If I'm not back in three days, I'm probably dead. Ta!"

"By dad!" Yelled Spencer.

"That was odd." Said Carly. "Dad always said how awful the police are, being as he got arrested for going awal five times. Wonder what changed his mind."

"Who knows. Oh, wake me up at, uh, two. I got another interview. I have a good feeling about this one. It pays $700 a day and all I need is a driver's license and a big trunk. And a car."

"Okay, I'll set an alarm."

"No, wake me!"

"Okay. Night."

"Night." Said Spencer falling asleep at the counter.

That night at the Cyruses, Miley was on the phone with Lilly. "Ya, no I haven't seen the tape yet. Ya I got the tape of architecture. Ya I'll call yoou tomorrow, by."

"It was then that Heather walked in. "Ha Miley, is you father here?"

"No, he's out on his top secret job."

"I see, if you see him, tell him I said, hi."

"Hi?"

"With more feeling!"

"Sorry, okay I'll, tell him."

"You'd better." Said Heather as she walked away."

"Weirdo." Said Miley.

"Ha Miley."' Said the Billy formerly known as Robby. "Boy, did I have a good night. I saw seventeen mob members. And Donsig doing yoga. He had the curtain closed, but I got x-ray glasses. Ha what's that?"

"Just a tape I got from the Main Street library."

"Ah. You know your mother died outside that library. I remember it. May 17, I had a book due, and I asked her to return it. If she wasn't there, it would've been me. Thank goodness."

"Ya, okay." Said Miley.

"Ha there." Said Jackson. Monica's dad is the best. He gave me a job at his corporation. I get an office in his basement, or his inner sanctum, and I get a salary of $78,000 for just answering a phone. And Monica's great to. She's my partner and she really likes me."

"Ha guys." Said Monica.

"I said she could stay here till things die down, here's the basement."

"Thanks Jackson." Said Monica as she kissed Jackson passionately and he fell on the floor. "Night."

"That Monica. I've been touched by an angel."

"Get me some tea!" Yelled Monica.

"Must be one of those evil angels." Said Billy.

"Harpies!" Yelled Jackson.

"Ya." Said Billy.

"Whatever, night." Said Jackson grabbing a fire pole and sliding up it.

"Weird." Said Miley.

The next day, Carly was at the house, sleeping on the couch when Jack walked in. "Dad, where were you? You said you'd be home by nine."

"Ya, didn't say which nine."

"Ya, you said p.m."

"I've been on the east coast."

"You were stationed in Alaska."

"Shut up, I mean I love you."

"What happened to your arm, there's a huge cut on it."  
"Oh, I got into a knife fight with a cop."

"A, cop?"

"Oh, I mean a mob, guy."

"I see."

"Ha, I got the job! I got a thousand dollars just for signing up, and a months supply of tourniquets. Ha dad, nice arm. See ya."

"By, gotta go." Said Jack leaving, but not before grabbing a hand full of knives and a lighter.

"By dad." Said Carly. "Cops are idiots."

At the inner sanctum, Jackson, Madison and Gordon were reviewing stock charts and options, and contemplating their next moves. "I have an inside tip, that the Malibu bank will be robbed tonight, plummeting their stocks." Said Gordon.

"And I have an inside tip that we'll be the ones to do it!" Yelled Jackson.

"Ha ha ha!" Laughed the entire group.

"Ha, someone's at the door!" Said Monica.

"If you value your life you'll stay back!" Yelled Gordon as everyone pulled out guns and switchblades.

"Mail man!"

"Yaa!" Yelled Jackson as he and Monica ran up with blades in hand.

"My children!" Said Gordon in an evil voice.

"Oh my gosh!" Said Carly. "The robber I turned in escaped from prison today. And he's gonna come and kill me, ah! Who am I talking to?"

At the police station, Billy was in conference with the chief, and it was not going well. "So it is decided. For the good of the team, you will accept this mission that will inevitably risk your life to help your fellow man?"

"As long as it gets me a raise."

"Oh, it will. So," Said the chief grabbing his hand and their vanes lit up. "will you, Billy Ray Cyrus, carry out the deed, of intercepting the mob, and leaking their secrets to us. And should you be caught, will give your life other than classify our mission?"

"I will." Said Billy very confused.

"Great, we'll make you an all new identity, Billy, a criminal who will do anything to get what he wants. And you'll be in the mob by tonight, when you are initiated."

"Okay. So all I gotta do is walk in and I'm in?"

"They'll definitely let in someone as evil as you! Now, report here, at noon."

"Okay!" Yelled Billy hitting the wall.

At Spencer's new job, he was just ready to leave on a run. "Here's your pass, and your drugs to ship!" Said the boss.

"Don't forget my gun!" Said Spencer.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Here. May the spirits of drug dealing guide you safely."

"Thanks Sokko's brother, Druggo."

"Ya." Said Druggo.

"Ya, I got in. They don't expect a thing." Said Jack.

"Good, in time the entire Seattle Police Department will be vulnerable to us, and you will be the vice head of the mob, brother Jack Shay."

"Thank you brother Vitorio." Said Jack.

Back in L.A, Heather was associating with her co-workers. "Ya, soon that man will be in my hands, and we'll be married."

"You're engaged?"

"No, and he'll never marry me. Not after what I did. But who cares. I do."

"Sure. You, get those drugs on the truck!"

"I'll take him for a nice dinner when the shipment gets in. Drug dealing is a dirty job. But it doesn't matter, when you got money."

"That's right."

"Ya!" Yelled Jackson as he, and Monica shot out the windows of a bank in black masks. The police were on their way, and Gordon was already making profit on it.

"This one's for you Gordon!" Yelled Jackson.

At the mob headquarters, Billy was being initiated to the mob by being tattooed. "Welcome to the mob, brother Billy."

"Thank you, brother Sullivan."

"Now, let's play poker for our blood."

"I'm in!" Yelled Billy pulling out a knife.

At the house, Miley was on the phone to Lilly. "Ya, they messed up the tape, I got some, surveillance tape. I'll return it tomorrow, by. Wait." On the tape, the surveillance tape from May 17, 2002, Miley's mother stood on the sidewalk outside the library, when a woman grabbed her "Aah!" Yelled her mother on the tape. At that point she was stabbed and killed, at the same time she could just make out the face of the murderer, as the woman she had met at the library the day the tape was rented. It was Heather. "Oh my gosh." Said Miley in shock.

"What cop takes a lighter to work?" Asked Spencer to himself as he drove his truck full of drugs. "I've been drivin' a truck, all the truck drivin' day!" The scene then faded out.


	2. How Dark Was My Valley

icarly/Hannah Montana

icrash

**Part Two: How Dark Was My Valley**

_It was one week since that day. Both groups were all dealing with their individual problems, with no one having knowledge of any of it. They were finding the life of crime fresh and new, but little did they know that it would soon become much more complicated._

At the Cyruses house, Miley was sitting, finishing here portion of the history project, still in shock by the video she had seen a week ago. She had long wondered if she should ever tell Billy, and she had no one for a second opinion. She was at a stand still. "Oh, I don't believe this. Why would Heather do this? What will dad think of this. What if she gets arrested. Lilly'll hate me forever. But he does have the right to know how his wife died. Oh what do I do?"

It was then that Billy walked in. "Wew! Did I have a rough night!" Said Billy.

"Wow. You've been in at least six hours late every night. Whatever the force has you doing must be pretty taxing."

"Oh it is. So taxing I'm surprised the IRS isn't banging on our door."

"Well dad, I have something to..."

"Man, do I need a break. I just want to kick back, have nothing to worry about."  
"Sound great. I'll get you some breakfast."

"Na, just get me some beer."

"Here."

"Thanks." Said Billy drinking it. Miley watched, wondering if everyone would be better off if the secret was never known.

"Ha guys!" Said Jackson. "Boy was last night a bang up. Ha, Gordon said if I keep up at this rate, he might make me his executive partner. That means wherever he goes, I go."

"Incredible." Said Miley.

"Ha you guys!" Said Monica grabbing a beer from the fridge. "Ha Jackson, dad wants us at the inner sanctum in fifteen minutes. I figure we can't make it by car."

"We'll jump a steamer."

"Yes! That's the exact kind of thinking Gekko inc. needs. We'd better catch the 7:10. See ya guys."

"Ya ya." Said Miley and Billy in unison.

"What do you think he does?" Asked Miley.

"I don't want to get involved." Said Billy.

At the were house, Heather was working on that night's shipment. "So, I was thinking I could meet Billy, his name changed for some reason, accidentally, at the market, and just casually ask him to dinner."

"When are you gonna have time?" Asked Gean. "We've been busting our humps working on that big shipment to Seattle all week."

"Well it'll have to wait. Sure he's got some big secret job that no one knows about, but I think he and I will really hit it off."

"Well, uh, good luck to you, uh." Said Gean, heart broken.

"Thanks John."

"Gean."

"Whatever."

At the Shaw residence, Carly was sitting at the counter, eating breakfast. "Where is everyone?" She asked herself.

Outside one could hear gun shots, and familiar shouting. "Back, back you demons!" Yelled a voice, recognized as Jack's.

"Hu." Sighed Carly.

Jack then walked in. "Ha Carls. Sorry I'm late, got into a scuff with the male man."

"You've been out for three days straight."

"Ya, well the force is an unpredictable profession, which can't have time lines put on it. I need some whiskey. Hear it help clot blood."

"Here." Said Carly. "Ya know..."

"Ah!" Screamed Jack.

"The other day I turned in a robber, threatening to break some guy's legs. Now he's escaped, and I'm afraid he's coming to get me."

"I wouldn't worry. Just ask yourself, what's the worst that could come of it?"

"Well, he finds me, ties up Spencer, holds him hostage at his hideout, tricks you there and shoots the both of you, and then I'm left helpless and he can kill me whenever and however he wants."

"What, I was talking to myself." Said Jack.

"Ha guys!" Boy did I have a night last night. I'm a shooin' for a promotion. It all depends on if I'm willing to deliver, which I am." Said Spencer.

"What exactly is your job?" Asked Carly.

"Oh, I can't tell you. But it's big, really big."

"Oh, I gotta go. See ya in a few days. I hope." Said Jack. "Got any lighter fluid?"

"In the cabinet." Said Spencer.

"Thanks." Said Jack taking four containers."

"There's something really suspicious going on here." Said Carly.

"Ya, ha I gotta run out and get a police scanner. Want anything?"

"No."

"Okay, and can I borrow a thousand dollars?"

"Here." Said Carly giving him a check.

"Thanks, by." He said leaving.

At the house, Miely was thinking very hard when Billy returned. "Ha, I got a big meeting tonight. This could cause a major break through in the operation."

"Ah, so your jobs about to get a lot easier?"

"Nope, it's about to get extremely complicated and dangerous. The main focus of my attention. If anything were to happen to throw off our family, it could be disastrous!"

"I, see." Said Miley.

"Ha dad." Said Jackson.

"Ha son, what're you doing home so soon?"

"Oh, change of plan. Gordon decided to move the operation to out place. Hope you don't mind."

"As long as I don't have to deal with it."

"No danger there."

"Ha, help me with this adding machine!" Yelled Monica.

"I got it."

"Thanks." Said Monica carrying arm fulls of charts and hard drives."

"What is all this stuff?" Asked Miley picking up a square with pegs in it."

"Office equipment. Nothing a child would understand." Said Monica.

"I'm nineteen." Said Miley.

"Well I can buy alcohol!" Said Jackson. "Now move it!"

"Ha there." Said Gordon, already hard at work with a quandary on an adding calculator. I must suggest that you not go in the basement while there is a sock on the door."

"I read you loud and clear." Said Billy.

"Yya." Said Gordon. "Well we've got a busy day, let's get to it."

"Yes master. By dad."

"See ya Gordon. Well I gotta get going. Bye."

"By." Said Jackson leaving the room.

Miley then picked up a chart. Monica then entered. "Gimme that! I'm watching you!" She said leaving.

"Weirdo." Said Miley.

At a random were house in Seattle, Jack was hard at work shooting out an enemy mob. "Ya, ha! Wa!" Yelled the fellow mob members.

"Rra!" Yelled Jack as he threw a grenade and blew up the remaining men. "Teach them."

"Nice work Jack." Said Hamilton, his fellow mob member. "It's men like you that make the city aweful."

"Thanks Hamilton."

"What about the going ons in the police department?" Asked Applegate.

"Well they have no idea. It's like I'm a shark in a stream of trout, cept, I look like, the trout. -No they don't suspect anything."

"Good, soon the entire city will be under our control. Just lead them on, and sooner or later, we'll strike!" Yelled Hamilton hitting the table and firing his gun off.

"Ah!" Yelled Applegate.

"Oops."

At the house, Spencer was on the phone. "That's right, a Mr. Du Pont. Ya I'll hold. Hu."

"Ha Spencer." Said Carly.

"Carly, you can't be here!"

"Why not?"

"Because, what'll it take to get you out?"

"I..."

"Carly, I, hello, Mr. Du Pont."

"Business call?"

"Ya, yes, I got the, uh, order. Ya ya, forty cases, uh, snowballs, ya ya, and the, grass, yes, I'll meet you..."

It was then that Jack walked in. "Boy can those bangas shoot!"

"Ya, it's set, by." He hung up. "Ha dad"

"Ha, I took out over fifty men today. Man, it's all gonna pay off in the end."

"I hope so. I am this much closer to that art institute. Soon I'll be in the art books with all the greats. Picasso, DeVinci, Van Damm, Seagal, all of them."

"Well I am so proud. Ha, I got a big meeting this afternoon. Don't expect me to be in stable condition when I return. If I say anything an interception, and mob relations, don't listen, because I have been influenced by drugs. Bye!" He left.

"Ya, I got a big meeting with Du Pont. See ya."

"By. Well I guess I can go to the outlet. People there are crazy on purpose."

At the basement of the Cyruses, the new inner sanctum, Jackson and Monica were hard at work with the charts. "Okay, I say we hit up the big shipment of horses coming in today." Said Gordon.

"Why go small?" Asked Jackson.

Gordon slammed down his pen on the table. "What the hell are you saying!"

"Well, there's a huge coal train coming in on the 8:17. People eat up coal stocks."

"I like that. I like it a lot!" Yelled Gordon.

"Phh, eat up coal." Said Monica.

"Shut up! From now on, we focus entirely on the coal industry. Now go get information on that train!"

"Ha, the sock fell off the door, can I ge..."

"Rra!" Yelled Monica.

"Sorry." Said Miley.

"I don't trust her. I say we kill her."

"Na, if we can't trust family, who can we trust?" Asked Godon.

"What are you talking about?" Asked Jackson.

"Silence young Michael!" Yelled Gordon.

At the Seattle Police Station, Jack was in a meeting with his unsuspecting officers. "Yes, I feel the mob is a great threat to us. They must be destroyed as soon as possible!"

"You mean the South Street mob right?" Asked Jack.

"What, there's more than one?"

"Well ya, I would guess. And if I were to guess, I'd say that the North end mob is much to dangerous for us to confront."

"The North end? The North end is the center of the crime ring. I say, we must track down the center of the crime ring, and destroy it."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Sure we got the center of the crime ring at the North end, and we got one of the most, competent and superior mobs, in the entire Seattle area! Take that you South end losers! Who's laughing now? Ha ha ha!"

"What?"

"-Nobody knows, the trouble I've seen. Nobody knows..."

"Ya, okay Shay. Well if what you say is true, we are going to have to work around the clock for the next month to find the headquarters of the North end mob."

"Ya, can I have the next month off?"

"No. Will you be the head of scouting for this operation?"

"Ya, ya sure. I'll do it. Oh!"

At the drug ring center, Spencer was in a meeting with Du Pont, and they were in the middle of a breakthrough. "Yes, I say that in order to avoid the police, we must create a cloaking device. But what? What?"

"We disguise the drug wagon, as a pizza truck!" Said Spencer.

"Great! So we will get our best artists, and our best painters to transform the van. And if not we'll kill the all the employees in a pizza company and steal thier car. Now get out there!"

"And do what?"

"Go!"

"Okay!" Spencer then ran out.

At the L.A mob headquarters, Billy was in a meeting with the mob, and he was getting the good stuff. "So I says, you don't wanta the canolli, isa alright. I just comea to your house and kill your whole family. What you saya?"

"Ah, is good, is good."

"So, down to business. We got a big shipment coming down the street to ship off to New York. We're paying through the nose to keep connections with them. What we need, is a merger with a ring. Who has ideas?"

"What about the pharmacy? They got drugs all over the store?" Suggested Billy.

"We tried. It took years to get out of that case. We had to kill over three hundred people. Most of them our own."

"Well, we've also got the business, of the new senatorial candidate who wants to pull the cops, full force on the mob. What do we do?"

"If it were me, which it is, I'd take out that senator like nothing." Said Billy.

"Great idea. You will be the man on the job Billy."

"Oops."

"I need your signature on this shipment." Said Heather.

"Heather?" Said Billy.

"Billy! I had no idea you were in the mob."

"Well believe it. I had no idea you were in the, pie business."

"I'm a drug dealer."

"Oh my."

"You know her?"

"Ya, she's an old friend of mine."

"Well, I was wondering. Will you go out with me?"

"Uuh..."

"Sure he will."

"But I..."

"This is our best chance for a merger with the drug ring, go for it."

"A merger. Sounds like something to discuss. We can talk at dinner. See ya then."

"Whatever." Said Billy.

At the house, Carly entered to find the living room completely destroyed. "Oh my gosh! Who did this? Spencer!"

"What!" Said Spencer as he entered.

"Look at this, the house is destroyed!" What do you think happened?"

"Maybe a tornado hit and only got our apartment."

"No."

"Wow. Do I have a big problem."

"Dad, look at the house."

"Wow, is all this for me? Do you see any notes, maybe a horse head?"

"Ya, there's a note right here."

"Well, if it has the name Don Rigoni on it, he's just an old friend."

"Dear Carly Shay, ha that's you." Read Spencer. "I have escaped from the confinement of prison of which you subjected me, and now I am seeking revenge on you. This is only a token of what I will do to your loved ones in order to find you. Do not take me lightly, I am officially insane. Love, the robber."

"You turned in a robber and he escaped? Asked Jack.

"Ya." Said Carly. "About a week ago ."

"Why didn't you tell me?" He demanded.

"I did, yesterday."

"Oh, I mustn't have been listening."

"What do I do? He could come after me, and find all kinds of information on us. Then strike."

"All, kinds of information? Even, like, being in a mob, or cult, whatever." Asked Jack.

"Ya."

"Or, if we, sold drugs, or the mob, whatever?" Asked Spencer.

"He could find anything. I'm so scared."

"Carly, it's probably in my best interests, and yours, that you go into the witness protection program. They could give you a whole new identity."

"The, witness protection program? What will they do? Will I get in trouble?"

"Why, are you in the mob? I got a confession."

"I'm not in the mob."

"Well like father like daughter hu? No, they'll move you to another house, change your name, your face. Each day is a whole new adventure. One day you could go to sleep, Jack Shay, protector of the Seattle mo, I mean the Seattle police, and you could wake up, Barbara Walters. What do you say?"

"I don't know. I'd be away from my family and friends. I need to think about it."

"Okay, well I gotta go on a scouting mission. See ya. Please think fast."

"Well, gotta go deliver some pizzas."

"You get seven hundred dollars a day to deliver pizzas?"

"Ya, they're the big pizzas, with all sorts of toppings. A precautious deliver is imperative. I gotta go. Dru, I mean pizzas don't deliver themselves. And neither do drugs, on a random and unrelated note. Bye!"

"Odd."

At the rail road, Jackson and Monica were setting up explosives along the tracks. This shipment is gonna plummet the coal stocks. Godaon is gonna promote me for sure!" Said Jackson.

"Jackson this past week we've worked together has really brought me to realize what a great match we are. I think you could be the man I'll spend all of eternity with."

"Sure. Let's run, that train'll be here in a few minutes."

"Okay." Said Monica as they ran to the car.

At the inner sanctum, Gordon had just bought and shorted four thousand shares of coal stocks. Meanwhile at the rail road tracks, the explosives went off as the train passed over it. Soon the train de-railed and crashed into the surrounding forest. The entire shipment was destroyed and at that synchronized moment, the coal stocks plummeted. "Yes! Twenty thousand easy!" Yelled Gordon.

"Gee, I wonder what Gekko inc. really does?" Miley asked herself. "That's it, tonight I am telling dad. I've put it off for far too long. And nothing is going to stop me."

That night at the Guilded Bar, Billy and Heather were busy talking about their jobs, and how they are alike in their fields. "So, I shipped six thousand crates to San Francisco, and nobody ever suspected anything of my being gone for nine days. Not ever my husband."

"Wow, today I got the job to blow up that new senator, the one setting all of his power on the destruction of the local mobs and drug rings."

"Well, that's not going to happen. The way I see it. After my drug ring merges with the L.A mob, we can plan to merge with other mobs and rings, until we have the entire country in the palm of our hands."

"Wow, that'd be, great. Well, I hope that senator is ready for bullets all over his face. All over!"

"Shh, do you want the cops to find out all of our plans?"

"Hopefully." Said Billy.

"Aside from the mob and drug stuff, I've always had a thing for you. Maybe, we could settle down, start our own family."

"What about our children?"

"Oh, of course we can keep Jackson. What with his new lucrative job. But the others, we can easily adopt off. Then, we'll have new children. Successful mob children, who will help our empire live on!"

"Ya, okay." Said Billy.

"What may I get you?" Asked the waiter.

"Oh, I'm to happy to eat." Said Heather.

"Me to, give me two full racks of ribs."

"Very good."

"Yes, he is."

"That's what I said! Yelled the waiter.

At the mob headquarters, Jack was in a desperate conference with his fellow mobsters while eating lobster and playing stabbing games. "Oh, guys, the entire operation is screwed! They've got me out finding the headquarters of the North end mob. Since I come here every night, they'll have all the information they need on us in a week's time."

"Well, you could give them false information, and lead them off track so it'll take them years to find us." Suggested Applegate.

"Why didn't I think of that? That's why you're the smart one Applegate, and I'm the one with all the power. Soon the police will be in Morocco looking for us. Then, and only then, will we strike and take control of the Seattle area."

"I'll stab to that!" Said Hamilton as he stabbed a knife into a pile of hundred dollar bills atop his hand. "Yes, no blood."

"Ah! Lobster shards in my eye!" Yelled Jack.

At the drug hide out, Spencer was in the middle of stuffing drugs into the pizza boxes. "We got six pepperonis, four sausages, and five marijuanas. These will be delivered, curtosey of Druggo's Pizzas." Said Spencer.

"Not crazy about the name." Said Druggo. "What mob is gonna order drugs from a pizza place?"

"The kind that need a trip, bad." Answered Du Pont.

"Right, going out, wish me luck. Thirty minutes, or your ice is free. Ha ha ha!" Yelled Spencer, putting on his "Druggo's Pizzas" hat.

At the house, Jackson and Monica were returning from a run when they say Miley. "Ha there, you." Said Monica. "I'd learn your name, if it were important."

"Thank you Morgan." Said Miley in a smart voice.

"It's Monica." Said Jackson.

"Shoot." Said Miley.

It was then that Billy walked in. "Man, did I have a great night."

"Well I'll take care of that." Said Miley. "I saw this tape..."  
"I am dating the greatest woman ever."

"Me." Said Heather leaning on the door.

"Heather!" Yelled Miley.

"We are so happy together. She is making my life so much better."

"That's, great." Said Miley.

"You were saying something, child?" Asked Heather.

"No, nothing."

"Good." Said Heather in a nasty voice.

"Alright!" Said Gordon. "Heather."

"Gordon."

"Ugh!" Said Miley.

At the Shay's house, Carly was thinking hard about the choice. "What to do? My family, or my life? Hu?"

"Ha Carly." Said Spencer. "Need to store some pizzas here."

"Won't they get stale?"

"Ya right. I mean Druggo's Pizzas are built to last! Whatever you do, never, open these boxes! Night."

"Ha, I am so owning this police station. I am running them like a mill owner runs a mill."

"That's great dad." Said Carly.

"I know it is!" Said Jack. "So, made a decision on the witness protection program?"

"Not yet, I..."

Light shined outside. "Freeze!" Yelled a man.

"I gotta take this." Said Jack. "Eat this skum!" Yelled Jack as he busted the window and shot out every man. "That's what messing with Jack Shay gets ya."

"Uh hu." Said Carly.

In a mob car three days later, Billy was driving to hit up the senator. "That guys is going down!" Yelled Sullivan.

"Ya, ya he is!" Said Billy.

"This is the turn, right here, ya, ya missed the turn, that's a tree!" Said Sullivan as the truck hit a tree.

"Guess we'll have to go my foot." Said Billy.

As they walked to the office, Billy was calling in the police. "That's right, the corporate office."

"Who ya callin'?" Asked Sullivan.

"Uh, just, I wasn't on the phone."

"Oh, I'm sorry, here it is. Let's get in there."

In the office, the two were outside the office of the senatorial candidate. "Here we go." Said Billy.

"On three. One..."

"Three!" Yelled Billy kicking in the door and shooting out the windows.

"Ah!" Yelled the senatorial candidate. "Mobstas!"

"Let's bring the pain!" Yelled Billy with ammunition straps all over his chest as he shot all around the office, except the part with the senatorial candidate.

"Rra!" Yelled Sullivan as he shot at the candidate.

"Ah!" Said Billy as he hit Sullivan with the gun.

"Oh!" Said Sullivan.

"Oops. Said Billy as he continued to shoot at the space.

"Freeze!" Yelled the police as they surrounded the place.

"Uh oh cops. Run!" Yelled Billy.

"Wait for me!" Yelled Sullivan.

"That was, odd." Said the candidate.

At the house, Gordon was drinking tea on the couch. "That's one good Lipton!"

"Oh, I can't tell him. He's so happy."

"Ha kid. You like this house?"

"Sure I do."

"Well, how'd you like it, as an ornament on the lawn of your soon to be, super house! Ya, and I'll make it happen."

"Okay?"

At the station, Jack was outputting false information. "Ya, a busted in house, right there, nearly sixty miles, from this where house on the South end."

"Why thank you, Officer Shay."

"Ya, you're welcome." Said Jack as he smoked a cigar, with a look of deception on his face.

In the pizza car, Spencer was being questioned by a cop. "So, how long have you been in service?"

"About, four days." Answered Spencer.

"Well, this checks out, deliver those pizzas well."

"Thanks. If you ever need a trip, call Druggo's Pizzas."

"You bet I will." Said the cop.

"Good, bwa ha ha!" Said Spencer.

At the house, Carly was sitting, when the phone rang. She answered it. "Hello? What, no this isn't Druggo's Pizza. A trip, who is this. Good-bye. Weirdo." Said Carly.

"The scene then faded out on that night.


	3. The Other Side of Darkness

icarly/Hannah Montana

icrash

**Part Three: The Other Side of Darkness**

_It had been six days since that day. Everyone was working fervently to take control of the potentially life threatening situations that were faced to them. Soon they would find plots of such danger and evil that they would risk their lives just to accomplish their goals, leading into the lives of others and eventually change the lives of them and everyone around them, forever._

It had been reaining for three days straight now in Seattle. Carly was sitting at the table, thinking hard about the decision she was forced to make. Whether to enter the witness protection program and leave her family and friends behind, or stay with her family and risk all of their deaths to the robber. "Uh, this is so hard. Why can't there be someone to make my decisions for me!" Whined Carly.

Jack then walked down the stairs. "Wow, that was the best sleep I ever had! I dreamt I was on a cloud, of hope, with rains of tranquility falling onto the earth below."

"Dad, you were home last night?" Asked Carly.

"Ya. Now that the investigation is under my wing I choose my own hours and assignments. My career can only go up from this point."

"You don't have wings."

"No but I have an appointment. See ya, well whenever I want, ha ha ha!" Said Jack as he walked out the door."

"Was that dad?" Asked Spencer who had just arrived.

"Ya, I guess his schedule is a lot more flexible now."

"Nice for him. Me, I still work around the clock. But today, I got a huge raise. Two hundred dollars a day! I'll be in that art institute before you can say abstract."

"Abstract!" Yelled Jack from the hall.

"Spencer, I don't know what to do. If I stay out of witness protection, I risk having all of us killed. But we're finally a family. I mean dad's here, and if I go in then they might take me away from you. What do I do?"

"I'd love to help, but fortunately I have a run to go on." Said Spencer picking up three pizza boxes with metal prongs. "Good luck."

"Ya by. Hu."

At the house in Malibu, Miley had been distressed over the situation since Billy revealed he was dating the woman who killed his wife, and she was the only one who knew it. "That's it. If I don't tell him, it won't hurt anyone. He's happier this way. That settles it."

Monica then entered. "Ha child. Have you seen Jackson?"

"Gordon called him in to the sanctum thirty minutes ago. He was very dissapointed that you weren't there."

"Oh poor baby. I'd better go. Try not to distract us with your mindless rantings."

"I'll try for you." Said Miley in a fake sweet voice.

"Good, bye."

"Bye, moron."

Billy walked in the door. "Has anyone seen my coupon books?"

"No, it was right there."

"Well I need it. I'm taking Heather out tonight."

"You two must be getting along great."

"Ya, she gives me companionship, and is also helping with the assignment."

"Wow, helpful, among her many other talents."

"Ha." Said Gordon in a tired voice. He was wearing a light blue bath robe. "Here's your coupon book. I needed aspirin."

"Ah he took the good ones." Said Billy.

"Is that my bath robe?" Asked Miley.

"Silence! If you need me, I'll be in the basement for the next few days. And if anybody asks for me, I am not here."

"No danger there. See ya." Said Billy.

"Bye." Said Miley and Gordon.

"Oh cider." Said Gordon, taking it and drinking out of the gallon while walking down the stairs.

At the ring, Heather was talking while loading up the order. "We're really hitting it off. That merger is right around the corner. And after that, I'll ask him to marry me."

"Marry you? He's just a tool of your insidious operation. You killed his wife." Said Gean.

"Because I love him. That woman was born just to get in my way. Sometimes I feel as if you don't want me to, never mind."

"What?"

"Sometimes, I think you don't want me to, be happy. You are a selfish pig!"

"Selfish? I busted you out of jail when you ran over that cop."

"If you didn't do it someone else would have. Gean, I like you as a partner. That's all. Not even that."

"I see. I'm going to check on the drug load. And fall asleep in it." Said Gean as he left.

"Nut job." Said Heather as she put her gum on a pile of narcotics.

At the Seattle police department, Jack was sitting in a meeting, right next to an officer named Riecher. They were both focused on the meeting, paying little attention to eachother's presence. "So, where do we hit next officer Shay?" Asked the chief.

"Well, I have been monitoring the crime circuit for quite some time..."

"This morning you were making a paper clip belt!" Snapped Riecher.

"Are you officer Shay? No, you are an idiot. Well I find that the crimes seem to be surrounding near the border, right next to Oregon!"

"Oregon? That's miles from where we've been looking!" Said a fellow officer.

"Well looks like the entire operation is a bust. We'll have to start from square one."

"As long as it takes to rid the world of crime!" Said Riecher hitting the table.

"Shut up Riecher." Said Jack smoking a cigar.

"We'll get fifty men on the boarder officer Shay."

"Make it a hundred." Said Jack barely listening.

"Okay."

"Wow, I am in control. If I were in the mob, I'd have this city in chaos in no time."

"If you say so." Said Riecher.

In the inner sanctum, the three were hard at work, looking over the local coal shipment, the price range of coal, and their stock values. "Oh Gordon, we got four whole truck loads coming in tonight." Said Jackson.

"Perfect. At this rate, we'll find that one opportunity. The one that'll lead this country into a whole new dark age. With me to cash in on it. Then I'll be president. No, I'll build a whole new Continent. Two, however many it takes so the land overruns the oceans in terms of area." Said Gordon.

"We got some coal trucks coming in." Responded Monica.

"You are so negative. Keep it up and you're fired."

"If you fire me then I'll expose us all."

"Darn it. Well, tonight, those trucks go down and we cash in."

"Perfect. Jackson, what's up with that sister of yours? Does she have problems with her mind? She always seems to be grappling with some issues that nobody knows about." Asked Monica.

"I think so. But dad doesn't believe in psychologists. He thinks they burrow into people's brain and plant messages of corporate propaganda into their subconscious."

"I think he's crazy too. It's like there's a disease that makes people crazy, and we're the only sane ones, but does that make us insane?"

"It's so confusing." Said Jackson.

"It is. On my new continent there won't be insanity, or problems. It'll be a land of never ending joy and happiness. Least for the people who are willing to pay! Ha a laser pointer. Woo, bob bob." Said Gordon pointing the pen at Monica.

"Get that off me!"

"Sorry. She has a fear of red lights on her head."

"It's special because there's no word for it. So I'm special, ha!" Said Monica sweating and drinking juice out of a test tube.

At the drug ring, Spencer was happily loading drugs onto the pizza truck, for two hundred dollars a day. "Everyone! We have big news." Announced Du Pont.

"We got a drug delivering tank?" Asked Druggo.

"No you pig. We got a shipment to the biggest mob in the city.

"Do I get over time for it?" Asked Spencer.

"Only if we deliver it at midnight." Answered Du Pont.

"Where is it to?" Asked Druggo.

"The headquarters of the North end mob. If we pull this off we could merge with them, and be the dominant drug ring in all of Washington!"

"When do we ship? Please say midnight." Said Spencer.

"Eleven fifty-five."

"Ah man." Said Spencer sitting on a pizza box. It exploded. "Ah!"

"We'll need to pull out all the stops. Not on the truck, cause it has no brakes."

"Like what?" Asked Druggo.

"Solid steel boxes, air conditioned back seat, and ever croam spinners."

"Woo!" Said Spencer.

"Ya know what might impress them? A tank, a huge, steel..."

"We're not getting a tank!"

"If I raise the money can I buy a tank?" Asked Druggo.

"No, have croam spinners on a tank, it would need sixteen of them."

"As apposed to how many?" Asked Druggo.

"Get to work!" Said Du Pont firing off a gun. A man fell from above.

"Roy, our look out. Only had one day till' retirement." Said Spencer.

At the Seattle mob H.Q the mobsters were having a very upbeat meeting, due to the new found control of the police department. "This pie is good. I could eat this pie every meal of every day of my life." Said Jack.

"I'm still hungry." Said Hamilton.

"Take mine." Said Jack.

"Back to real business, ha, this is apple pie, and I am Applegate. This pie was meant for me."

"Want some more?" Asked Jack.

"Na I hate apple."

"So Jack, this investigation is the best thing that ever could've happened to our mob. Don Rigoni says this could be the key to your promotion. What do we do with our new found time?"

"I was thinking, we found a new drug ring. We can set up a system with them for relations with other mobs."

"Other mobs? That's great." Said Applegate.

"Ya, especially the L.A mob."

"The L.A mob? Why?" Asked Hamilton.

"They're the biggest mob on the West coast. We merge with them, we can take out the South end mob, and eventually take over the entire state."

"I like the way you think." Commented Hamilton.

"Ha, I build puzzles. Thinking is my life. And I think I have some kids. One turned in a robber and, I'm not sure what the hell the other one does, Spesner."

"Spencer." Said Hamilton.

"How'd you know?"

"No, that's what I'd name a kid if I had one, na."

"I used to have kids, wonder what happened to them. I think the ACLU took em'."

"I don't care who took your kids. The important thing is that my life if going up from here, and I'm not becoming a pilot."

"Great for you, pie?" Asked Hamilton.

"Na, I had three pies for breakfast, and I'm allergic to crust, scuse me!" Said Jack running.

"Think he got sick?" Asked Hamilton.

"Na, probably running to work off those extra calories." Answered Applegate.

"I outta go running." Said Hamilton starting to get up. "Nope."

At the L.A mob headquarters, Billy was in a high stakes meeting. "That senator is bullet proof, we shot almost fifty rounds at him, not a scratch." Said Sullivan.

"I do not believe this, that man is going to ruin the entire operation." Said one of the Italian mob men.

"This is a job for Don Pettalton." Said Sullivan.

"No!" Yelled Billy. "I mean, if that loser gets involved, we'll never get to make decisions without him again." Said Billy.

"What would you propose?" Asked Sullivan.

"Oh, you tell me, and if you say what I would propose, I'll tell you."

"What if we faked a meeting at city hall, got the mayor, the representatives, him, them we came in and shot it all up!" Proposed Sullivan.

"No, I would not propose that. Not at all." Said Billy.

"I like it, I like it a lot. We could take old recordings of that mayor, and merge them together into saying anything. We could have some fun with this." Said a mob member.

"We could kill the mayor, cut off his skin and put it on, and look just like him!" Said Sullivan.

Everybody stared. "Well, the plan is good, but that, just disgusting."

"No! I mean, fine, the city hall thing sounds, fun? Put me on the crew." Said Billy.

"Sure, you can carry the guns, and drive the truck. You can be in total control. Why if you were a cop, we could all be killed! Ha ha!" Said Sullivan.

"Who says you get to give assignments?" Asked the Italian mob member.

"Well he does, see you then." Said Billy.

"Bye!" Said everyone as they slid sat in the chairs at the table and fell asleep.

Back at the apartment in Seattle, Carly had been thinking hard all day long, and had finally come to a decision. "That is it. No amount of danger is going to keep us from being a family."

Spencer then ran down the stairs. "I gotta run, this is a big night!"

"You're going out now? It's almost eleven at night." Said Carly.

"Ha, progress waits for no man, so ya, see ya tomorrow." Said Spencer as he started to leave.

"Spencer, I decided I'm not going into witness protection. We're finally a family, and nothing is going to take that away."

"Great see ya." Said Spencer running out.

Jack was drinking a soda when walked in. "Well I'm out, see ya."

"Dad where are you going? I thought you made your own hours?"

"I do. Maybe I like working at midnight, or maybe I don't, but I like to discipline myself. Have a nice night."

"Dad, I deci..." Jack closed the door. "Of course."

At the house in Malibu, it was about eleven thirty, and everybody was asleep, except for Gordon and the team. Miley came down to see what was going on. "What's going on?"

"Progress. We're making more money than any person with a real job could ever hope to see." Said Gordon. "Where's your dad? The fridge is out of food."

"I think he went out to get some moth balls." Said Jackson.

"Cotton balls." Corrected Monica.

"He went on a date with Heather! He's not back yet."

"I knew that. I just wanted to cause conflict. It gives character to life. Least it will in my continent." Said Gordon.

"You're nuts." Said Miley.

"You're one to talk." Retorted Monica.

"Ha, we're out of cotton balls." Said Jackson.

"Well I'm going to bed. I'm to tired to get to the guest bedroom, I think I'll take the bathroom tonight. Got any clean towels?" Asked Gordon.

"No." Answered Jackson.

"Damn. Night."

"Ya ya." Said the three.

Billy then walked in the door. "What a night."

"Where have you been? There is no food in the fridge. I had to eat my old charts." Complained Gordon.

"Heather wanted some excitement, so we went to one of those discount movies."

"What movie was that? A history of forever? It's almost midnight." Said Jackson.

"What are you my mother? Well, I invited Heather to come over tomorrow night. We're gonna have popcorn and watch movies on tape. So don't make any plans."

"You just invited her, just like that, without asking us?" Asked Miley.

"Come on, just like your mother, cept you're not, she's dead."

"Ya, and it's coming over tomorrow."

"What?" Asked Billy.

"I said, ah, ha ha, night."

"I can't wait. I like meeting significant characters. Night, remember, got no food." Said Gordon going into the bathroom.

"That was odd." Said Monica eating some charts.

At the North end mob H.Q, Jack and the whole gang were waiting for the drug shipment. Even Don Rigone was there for the first drug shipment of the new company. Everybody had prepared, and were so put together, it was surprising they could breath. "This is some good jelly." Said Hamilton who had on an under shirt and was eating jelly with his hands.

"Hamilton you idiot! We're supposed to be impressing this ring, we need to put on a good casual show so they'll want to merge with us!" Yelled Jack.

"Casual? I thought you said, ca, ptivatingly, ual, fancy." Said Applegate who was wearing a black jacket and a silver cape with sequence. "Do I have time to change?"

"No! You'll have to suffer for your incompotence. Here they come." Snapped Hamilton.

The truck then pulled in, and driving the truck was Spencer. He got out to unload the shipment, while Du Pont had Don Rigoni sign for the drugs. Spencer looked around the back of the truck. To his shock he saw him, with his own two eyes, his father, associating with mobsters. "Ah!" Said Spencer hiding behind the truck.

"It has been a pleasure doing business with you and your mob." Said Du Pont. "This seems to be a high end organization you have going here."

"Why thank you sir. We have been looking for a drug ring of the highest proportions for our mob. I should say, this is the one we've been searching for." Said Jack.

"Jack this is the first one we've..." Started Applegate before Jack elbowed his stomach.

"Well, let's set a date to discuss a merger."

"Consider it done." Said Jack shaking his hand.

"Great, meet our driver, sp, ha where is he?" Spencer had run out. "Well, let's say tomorrow. See you Jack, Elton."

"My name's Applegate."

"I bet it is. Bye."

"And stay out! Ha." Said Hamlton.

"You're an idiot." Said Don Rigoni.

The next day, at the mob H.Q, Billy and Sullivan and the other mob members were all readying for the upcoming assault on city hall. Billy was nervous, for the plan that was assembled was airtight, with little change of sabotage. But he knew, with his type of methods, that he could ruin anyting. "So, then we put one in the mayor, and his dead carcase should crush the secretary." Said Sullivan.

"What if he doesn't sit my him?" Asked another mob member.

"He will, just trust it!" Yelled Sullivan.

"And once we are in, it will be open fire on the leader's of our city." Stated the Italian mob member.

"So, I get to hand out the guns right?" Asked Billy.

"Sure, you are the most trusted member of the team, unlike Stockwell." Snarked Sullivan.

"That is a lie!" Yelled Stockwell.

"Who took my wallet?" Asked Billy.

"Here." Said Stockwell as he threw it to him.

"By the end of tomorrow night, that senator will be in so many pieces, they'll be able to put him in a box marked 1000 pieces. Ha." Said Sullivan.

"None the less, with mobsters like you, we can accomplish and or kill anything. Now let us play mob like games." Suggested the Italian mob member.

"Okay." Said Stockwell as he flicked a paper football. "Field goal!"

"Shoot!" Said Sullivan.

Back at the Shay's apartment, Carly was completely unprepared for Spencer's entrance. "Carly! I saw something so important, I just had to run here and scream it at you!"

"Whoa, slow down Spencer, what is it?" Asked Carly.

"Well, last night, I was strolling by a werehouse, and in with a bunch of mob members, I saw dad!"

"You saw it last night, why are you just now telling me?"

"I was so frantic that I had to have a couple drinks and a discount movie to calm down."  
"And it did wonders. You probably got drunk and had a drunk hallucination of dad with the mobsters."

"No, I know because every time I get drunk I always repeat things the next day." Said Spencer.

"This is nuts. I don't believe dad's in the mob."

"I was so frantic I needed a couple drinks and..."

"Ya he was drunk."

It was then that Jack walked in. "Man, did I hit some mobsters last night!"

"What? You were fighting mobsters?" Asked Carly.

"I just had to run here and scream it at you!" Yelled Spencer.

"Ya, I was there, and they never saw it coming. That Sou, I mean, mobs are fun to kill. Once you kill one of them, normal murders just aren't enough."

"See Spencer, he was fighting mobsters. Not associating with them."

"You saw me, when?" Asked Jack.

"Oh, I was on a walk, and, ya."

"Well, if you want to see some mobsters being killed, come with me. But if you see me at a werehouse, playing cards with mob looking people, those are undercover cops. They are."

"Okay." Said Spencer confused.

"Well, my job is sky rocketing. It's never been better."

"That's great dad. Because I decided to stay with you guys, and not go into witness protection." Said Carly.

"Well, I guess with how great things are now, nothing could come along and ruin it. I say we celebrate. Tonight, we all go out to dinner, on me."

"Woo! Come on Spencer free food woo!" Said Carly.

"Ya, woo." Said Spencer unenthused.

"Good enough, I need some sleep, see ya tonight." Said Jack leaving.

"See ya Spencer."

"By. Oh this is awful, why did I ever do this? If dad or anybody else found out I was selling drugs I could get arrested. The whole family could be in danger because of me. I need out, but I still don't have the money for that institute. And Du Pont will never let me leave. Ah, this is awful." Said Spencer leaving the room.

That night at the Cyruse's house, everybody was preparing for Heather to come over. Even Monica and Gordon were excited, for they both enjoyed meeting significant characters in the life of their employees. "Hope you weren't planning dinner, there's still no food." Said Gordon.

"Gordon, I found a shipment of coal coming in, a whole barge, tomorrow night." Said Jackson.

"Ha, this is. This is the one that is gonna make this all worth while. Tomorrow night, we will have the break through of the entire operation. We'll plan the whole thing tomorrow, for it will be extremely dangerous."

"What is?" Asked Billy.

"Me if I get interrupted." Said Gordon.

"It's true. I used to have a mom." Said Monica.

"Then she got deported." Said Grodon. "Lousy country." He then threw down a frame with the president's picture.

"Heather just pulled in. And she looks impatient." Said Miley.

"Everybody stay calm." Said Billy.

"Ah! Okay I'm ready." Said Jackson.

"Hello everybody." Said Heather.

"Hi Heather. May I take your coat?" Asked Miley.

"Ya but I want it back."

"Ha ha!" Laughed everybody.

"That wasn't a joke."

"Ooh." Said all of them.

"So, what movie shall we watch, Billy.

"It's a movie about people who grow crops in the South."

"I love "South of the Crop"!" Exclaimed Gordon.

"Nobody cares." Said Monica.

"Nope, put it on." Demanded Heather.

"Sure." Said Billy as he ran to put in the tape.

"You know Heather, you really are a nice person." Said Miley.

"Ya, but sometimes I do things that, aren't so nice." Said Heather.

"-Ah." Said Miley,.

"Look at this shipment, gonna make a killing." Said Jackson.

"A barge, this should be messy." Said Monica.

"Oh it will. It will." Said Jackson.

"Ah it's Hugh Grant!" Said Gordon.

"It's ruined." Said Heather, taking popcorn out of her teeth with a knife.

"This is not easy." Said Miley to herself.

"I'll say." Said Billy trying to open a jar of peanuts. "Na, I'm not hungry anymore."

"I got it." Said Jackson as he opened it.

"It came back." Said Billy eating the peanuts.

In Seattle at the Guilded Travesty, the Shays were sitting at a table, having just finished their meal, and they were all in good spirits. "That was the best dinner I ever had." Stated Jack.

"I'll say, it was awesome!" Said Carly.

"What did you think Spesner?"

"My name is Spencer!"

"That's what I said." Yelled Jack.

"Who cares about food, food can't help pull your life out of the dark hole of darkness that it's fallen into now can it?"

"I guess not." Answered Jack.

"Well, all that matters is that luck is finally on our side, and we can finally be a family." Said Carly.

"That's right, and nothing can ever ruin that, here's to ou..." Started Jack. The lights in the restaurant then shut off, leaving no light at all. Everybody was confused, then the whole diner went into chaos when gun shot started. The whole room was screaming and throwing over tables. "What's going o, ah!" Yelled Jack.

"The table!" Yelled Carly as they blindly pushed over the table and used it as a shield from the dark onslaught. Soon the whole scene calmed, and the power went on.

"That was odd." Said Jack.

"Who could have done this?" Asked Carly.

"Ha, the waiter's dead!" Yelled Spencer.

"Won't need this then." Said Jack taking his tip out of his pocket.

"Look at the knife in his chest." Said Carly.

Spencer then pulled the knife out of the dead waiter's chest. "It's engraved."

"What's it say?"

Jack took the knife and turned to read the engravement. "Robber." He read.

"Oh no, it's him." Said Carly.

"That means he found us. He knows who we are." Said Spencer.

"And where we live." Added Jack.

"That's it. We have to do it." Said Carly reluctantly.

"I know. We'll call the witness protection agency tomorrow. It'll be alright." Said Jack.

"I hope so." Said Carly as the three stood, looking nervously at the name engraved into the knife.

The next day at the apartment, Carly was sitting on the couch, feeling very nervous. It was then that Jack walked in. "Ha, I called the agency, they'll be here tonight to talk about the program. I've got to go on a run."

"I don't believe this. We're finally a family, and now this happens."

"I know, we'll be fine. Have a nice day."

"Bye dad." Said Carly sullenly.

At the ring H.Q, Spencer was loading up the truck for the shipment, again to the North end headquarters. "Ah, what do I do? I guess I'll just have to take it as it comes." Said Spencer as he started the truck. "Ha, croam spinners!"

That night, in the Pacific ocean, two miles from the Malibu shipping port, the coal barge was arriving with it's shipment of almost three tons of coal. In the back of the boat stood Jackson and Monica, wearing scuba diving gear. "This thing is huge. Hope these explosives can bring it down." Said Monica.

"Don't worry, Gordon said these explosives can take two heads off of Mount Rushmore." Said Jackson.

"Are you sure we're supposed to take down this barge, and not Mount Rushmore?"

"Uh, no time to thinks, I'm going down." Said Jackson as he put on his mask.

"See ya down there." Said Monica putting on her mask and falling over board.

Under water, Jackson and Monica planted the explosives, five on the right bottom of the boat, and one on the center. They then surfaced. "It's done, where's the escort?" Asked Jackson.

A man in a paddle boat then arrived. "Get in, hurry!"

"This is the escort?" Asked Monica.

"Gordon says escorts aren't a right, they're a privilege, now come on." Said Jackson getting on the boat.

The barge then exploded on the right, sending all of the crated into the ocean. "Ah!" Screamed the captain. Then the last explosive suck the boat into the harbor.

"Woo hoo!" Yelled the two.

"Ya." Said the boatsman.

Back at the house, the coal stock had just plummeted. "Yes! Three million dollars! Woo!" Yelled Gordon.

"Meanwhile at the city hall, all of the politician were sitting around in confusion. "I didn't call this meeting. Maybe my secretary did." Said the mayor.

"I didn't." Said his secretary, wearing sunglasses and smoking pot.

"Well I can't waste my time here, I gotta get to the betting tracks before they close." Said the senator in a worried voice.

It was then that Sullivan walked in, as a waiter, with a tray and a pot. "May I interest you in some orderves?"

"I'm freakin' starving!" Yelled the mayor.

Outside, mob members were hiding in the bushes, and waiting to take out the guards at the window.

"Here you, oh." Said Sullivan as he dropped the metal cover, and the noise distracted the politicians from the violent shooting of the guards. "Oops, there's no food.

"Oh, you're fired." Said the mayor.

"Not more than you!" Said Sullivan pulling out his gun.

"Hu." Said everyone.

"Watch out! He's got a gun!" Yelled the mayor.

"Ya!" Yelled the mobsters as they busted through the windows. They attacked the senators. Stockwell stabbed the senator's tie to the table and choked him with a chain whip. The Italian mob member put a match in front of his mouth, and blew out oil, shooting fire at the room. The others were shooting blindly at the attendants.

"Take this you, ya!" Yelled Sullivan.

"Wa!" Yelled the mayor as he busted a vace and attacked then with it.

"Ra!" Yelled Billy as he shot, hitting the sprinklers and setting them off.

"Ah! It burns!" Yelled the senator.

"Now!" Yelled Sullivan as he set off the grenade. "We got twenty seconds, run!"

"Ah!" Yelled the mayor throwing the bomb into Sullivan's hands.

"I don't want it, here." He said throwing it.

"Ya." Said Stockwell.

"Ye!" Said Billy.

"Oiy!" Said the Italian mob member.

"Ugh!" Grunted the senator.

"What's going on, ya!" Said the cop who just arrived.

"Scram!" Yelled Sullivan. The whole mob and the politicians ran out of the room, leaving the cop.

"Uh, yes," Said the cop, putting the bomb under a doilie. "No, yes!" Said the cop putting it into a pot. "Ur!" He said holding the lid down. From outside, all the windows shattered and the walls shook. Inside, the pot was unharmed, and the officer was covered in smoke. "Wu! That was close."

"Man, not ever a surprise attack could stop them." Said Sullivan.

"Well, I guess we should give up. Who wants tea?" Asked Billy.

"No tea before death." Said the Italian mob member in a serious voice.

"This isn't over, what we need is more men, another mob." Said Stockwell.

"Are you proposing we merge another mob?" Asked the other mob member.

"Yes, and only then will we take down that senator. Get right on it!" Said Stockwell.

"Oh no." Said Billy.

At the North end H.Q, Spencer was delivering drugs to the mob. "Here you are sir, hu." Said Spencer, relieved not to see Jack.

"Why thank you, we hope to see you around delivering for many years to come." Said Don Rigoni.

"Ya, sure."

"Pie?" Asked Hamilton.

"Shut up Hamilton." Said Hamilton.

In the office, Jack was on the phone to another mob. "Oh yes, we hope to discuss the merging of your mob very soon. The L.A mob will be a fine addition to our operation. Speak to you soon Mr. Sullivan." Said Jack.

At the house, Heather had just entered. "Forgot my purse last night, where is it, oh, there you are. What's this?" She said as she picked up a piece of paper on the table. "These are the justifications, that I cannot reveal to my father, that the woman he dates, is the very one, who killed his wife, oh my gosh." Said Heather.

"Uh, oh hi Heather, wha..." Said Miley as she saw the paper in Heather's hand. Both of them stood, looking into the eyes of eachother in sheer disbelief. The scene then fades out on this night.

**To be continued in "isoap"**


End file.
